![[Battel] Here we are again!](../img/oldfools.gif)
or Taking the Fooles Seriously
![[Bottel] Sticks and stones...](../img/castbar2.gif){kind=small}
Permission was originally given by The Author in November/December 1995 for this article (written by another then in cooperative consultation with The Author), to mention the already existing popular Fooles Troupe characters. Because of popular demand for more Fooles Material on their web site, a suitably edited extract of it has been included here (purely for scholarly purposes) and edited - without permission! - to improve the layout, style, flow, punctuation, grammar, spelling, (without too much tampering to "improve"(1) it!) and other matters such as useful annotation I was always going to do when I got a ROUND TUIT(2), as well as adapting it to HTML format. Copyright of the original article remains with Caloun the Storyteller Caloun l 'Exsessif, but this new scholarly annotated work is Copyright by the Author - The Fooles Scribe.
The Fooles' Scribe seems to remember the incident rather differently. Purists should note that some discrepancies still appear, but other minor ones such as the misspelling of the Characters' names and such, have been tidied up where it was obvious that it should be done to help reduce confusion in the story. Some errors were left as is, otherwise the story would not have worked without a complete rewrite. For instance, the incorrect claim that Babbel was holding the money - Lady Lucrativa was present but apparently not noticeable enough to be remembered distinctly. Of course she was not alone in having her presence fail to be clearly remembered. And of course, Bottel: well he's often quite happy to pretend to be more drunk than he really is to get away with what he can. Ah, but then this is just the hazy morning after recollections of a drunken old sea dog....
Subject: The morning after the night before.(3)
Date: Wednesday, 6 December 1995
...
...
...
Some time ago while docked at a nugatory(4) and forgotten(5) port, I had taken shelter from heavy rain(6) and the chill of the night air in a small tavern. The place was well swept and well lit, suggesting(7) the Landlord was of honest demeanour. I took a meal as the fare was simple(8), fresh(9) and well priced, I thought. Thus satisfied(10), I took a jug(11) or two by the generous fireplace and wistfully contemplated the ample bosom(12) of the Landlord's woman as she busied herself from room to room. Still it seemed the fire and jug were all the woman I'd have that night.
Soon the doors flew open and a motley and variegated assortment of people spilled into the room, shaking the rain from their clothes, much to the displeasure of those customers near the door. They shed their cloaks, ducked(13) under the heavy beam which split the room, and warmed themselves noisily at the fire. At first they ignored me with a simple nod but soon we fell into conversation.
The one with the fine cultured and educated voice(14) was a Briton, and though my dislike for the English is well known, he seemed an honest sort - for an English. He stated he was a Serious Announcer - a sort of Stage Herald(15). He was in the habit of breaking into conversations with a summary of what was just said or would know what people were about to say and precede their comments.
There were a few Ladies, but I only remember the bosoms(16) of one, not her face. These were both large and active bosoms. They were neither in nor out of her corset, but seemed to be continually at the moment of falling out. Her breathing didn't help either, like two huge waves rising up, swelling, begin to fall only to be caught by the next rising. I gained the impression that as each breast was locked in combat with gravity, so too it was locked in combat with the other, trying to push the other out!(17)
Of the group, three men stood out(18), perhaps because they could be brothers.
The first, Bottel(19), viewed life through an alcoholic haze. His feet seemed glued sailor-like to the floor, while his body constantly swayed in circular motions, first this way, then the other. His head, though attached to his body, seemed to wobble through impossible angles as if in no way coherently associated with feet or body.
The second, Babbel(20), did just that: as a child will bang on a drum, words fell from his mouth with fatuous conformity.
The third, Battel(21), assumed authority over the group, making loud and sweeping proclamations. His authority seemed apparent to the world at large, save to the members of the group. The smallest point became a loud and angry debate that would suddenly cease, while important points raised no comment what so ever, and they would then look about as if expecting others to speak.
I recall others being in the group, but don't recall them clearly. They said they were a Troupe of entertainers, Fooles(22) to be exact, who worked mainly by a set of steps(23) in the shade of an old restored cathedral - they said something about you had to catch the light just right to see where the fire had been.
They claimed however, they were leaving that line of work and intended to hunt down the notorious pirate, Captain Hornie Big Nose(24). They inquired if my Master, the Rhos(25), might have a suitable vessel and arms(26) for such an occasion.
"To catch a pirate" I said in jest, "You need magic!"
"Magic!" they echoed.
"Why yes" I declared, and reaching into my vest drew out an old faded bandanna(27). My other hand reached out and drew one of the group close in mock confidence. "You can see its old world magic" I said, fingering a worn and threadbare corner(28). "But the magic is still strong!"
"Oh... yes..." he stammered in reply to the steely look I shot(29) him(30). "Oh.. yes.. quite strong."
I laid the cloth out(31), then with practised hand folded it in half. "See, half gone already(32). What is below is invisible to your eye." I folded it again, leaving my hand under the cloth. "See the cloth hides itself and my hand(33)." Before anyone could answer, I slipped my hand free and released a shower of small coins I had palmed from my pocket(34). A gasp of amusement escaped from some throats. For my finale, I tossed the bandanna over my head and exclaimed, "See, I'm invisible!". I had picked up this trick at a magic picture hall(35) and it never failed to draw a laugh(36). This time - silence.
I peeped out from under the rag.
"Where's he gone?" asked one.
"Invisible!" claimed another.
"Disappeared before our eyes" said a third, feeling for me in the air before himself(37).
Thinking they had seen the joke before(38) and were now pulling my leg(39), I asked, "Seen this before?"
"Who said that?" asked a fourth as they all drew together(40) in fear(41).
"Me!" I shouted, discarding the bandanna(42).
They all peered at me in awe and finally Battel said "How much do you want for the bandanna?"
"Oh! At least the price of a round of drinks(43)", I shot(44) back.
"Done!" exclaimed Battel, slamming his hand on the table. "Pay him Babbel(45)!"
"Whhhat!" whined Babbel. "Why me? You've got the money".
"That's an entertainment item, it should come from Petty(46) Cash".
"No, it's a weapon, comes from the project fund" said another.
"It's not!" said a fourth.
"'Tis!" shouted a fifth.
"Not!" came a sixth.
"Weapon!"
"Purchase!"
"Sale!"
"Don't mind if I do" chimed Bottel(47).
"What!"
"I'll have an ale" answered Bottel.
"Ahh shut up!" They all chorused.
"Tis!"
"Isn't!"
"Emergency Funds!"
"Project!"
...
Finally it was decided a new fund would be set up to purchase the bandanna(48). There was some discussion about if all the customers in the tavern should be included in the price of "a round of drinks"(49). This naturally increased the price. Babbel argued a round was two drinks(50), while Quibbel argued all the Troupe should be included. Bottel argued everyone should have one and counted himself several times(51). Eventually a decision was reached(52). The Troupe then took turns at being "invisible"(53); much to the entertainment of everyone present(54).
At this point the Landlord's woman caught my eye(55) with an inclination of her head as she slipped(56) into a store room. I followed soon after(57). "What's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this ..."(58)
The next morning: the rain was gone(59), the Fooles and bandanna were gone, and so was I(60). During the day however, amusement turned to concern.
Were they joking(61)? Were they serious(62)? What if they really believed in the magic cloth(63)? What if they believed they could capture the Pirate Hornie Big Nose(64) with it(65)?
I decided then to make it my business to track them down. My only clue(66) is, they talked of a Cathedral and steps. Would that be the Antir Steps? Is there anyone who recalls meeting them? If so what were the circumstances? I really need to talk to them.
And about the Landlord's woman, I had had a few drinks(67). I was lonely. Besides, we only talked...(68)
Respectfully,
Caloun l 'Exsessif.(69)
(1) I will not comment on whether the annotations are better than the original article....
(2) No I didn't, but Thalia (my Muse) did inspire me....
(3) The Subject has been changed to protect the Innocent Old King...
(4) ???! Relatively simple task though it is, I can't read Caloun the Storyteller's mind completely, you know.
(5) The Fooles cannot remember it too well either...
(6) True, the Old King had been reigning for some time. All hail the King: if he can reign...
(7) We will have no suggestive stories here, Thank You!
(8) To suit Caloun the Storyteller, no doubt.
(9) ...like the serving wench...
(10) ...for the moment...
(11) I assume he means Ale, but judging from his obsession with milk, it may well have been such delights...
(12) ...very likely it was milk...
(13) ...now you know why their routines often lay an egg...
(14) ...compared to that of Caloun the Storyteller, obviously...
(15) I was going to make some incredibly complicated pun about him being on the next one out of town, but alas, I had too many glasses of milk myself last night and cannot remember it...
(16) Most likely Lady de KupKake, known to her close friends as Lady de Kup. But then she was usually known only to wear a corset on Formal Court Ocassions - when of course she wore more than just the corset! On the other hand, if she was just wearing the corset at the Tavern, then she was probably not wearing much else...
(17) Caloun the Storyteller is most definitely more keen on milk than Ale...
(18) They were not all that outstanding really. They had already come inside the Tavern, you see...
(19) Bottel - see other references elsewhere.
(20) Babbel - see other references elsewhere.
(21) Battel - see other references elsewhere.
(22) Often in more than one sense of the word.
(23) The Cathedral Steps - see other references elsewhere. Of course, what passes for their humour is worked out carefully in advance with much planning, thus it could be said that their humour is worked out by a set of steps...
(24) An unknown Pirate - Caloun the Storyteller must have made an error, for the Fooles were once captured by another Pirate....
(25) Master of Infamy. Yes, he's got it in for me.... And on more than one occasion. Truly, I could not have got it in without his help... Sorry, Caloun the Storyteller's Tale is Pun-ishing enough...
(26) ...judging by the amorous arms of his servant...
(27) Not a banana: more commonly known as a kerchief.
(28) I know not what he normally used this piece of cloth for...
(29) No Fooles were harmed in the making of this comic production, at least not more than normally...
(30) Most possibly Quibbel, but I shall not.
(31) ...with a single blow...
(32) ...like Caloun the Storyteller...
(33) ...Caloun the Storyteller must be thinking of milk again...
(34) Sorry, this is the real reason he had his hand in his pocket, so Caloun the Storyteller says...
(35) Unknown reference. Transparently though, some arcane art is practised herein no doubt.
(36) Bad Pun...
(37) Keep it clean, this is a show for the Whole Family...
(38) If they had, what makes you think that they would remember it?
(39) The Fooles would never do that sort of thing in Public. This is a show for the Whole Family.... if The Whole Family ever turns up to the show...
(40) A lousy picture. Group artistic productions don't always work...
(41) No, they were just good friends really...
(42) Doubtless, he peeled it off...
(43) A square deal?
(44) Missed.
(45) It seems that Caloun the Storyteller is in error. Lady Lucrativa looks after the money, even though Babbel does try to get his hands on it. The money, that is....
(46) It was only another petty argument.
(47) A Fool, but not stupid...
(48) ...a slippery matter...
(49) A square deal? Sorry, I've already done that one - too many glasses of milk last night...
(50) One normally bought by you, one normally bought by me...
(51) ...not as stupid as he seems...
(52) A painful process...
(53) Small things amuse small minds...
(54) ...while smaller minds look on...
(55) ...on what Caloun the Storyteller does not say, perhaps one of her jugs?
(56) ...on the bandanana?(70) Caloun the Storyteller assured me that she did not hurt herself - she landed on her back...
(57) Caloun the Storyteller does not say why......
(58) Martin said to his man...
(59) Didn't know the Old King was ill...
(60) He was really gone before...
(61) Fie, Man, Fie...
(62) Martin said to his man...
(63) Who's the Fool now?
(64) Unknown reference. Seems to be one of Caloun the Storyteller's Corny Jokes...
(65) Who knows what Fooles think?.
(66) Only one! The Story teller is not completely clueless after all...
(67) Martin said to his man - Thou shalt have the cup and I the can...
(68) Thou hast well drunken Fool, Who's the Fool now?
(69) The Old Sea Dog.
(70) Sorry about that, just couldn't resist it...(71)
(71) ...so just imagine what living with the Fooles is like for the poor Scribe...
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