![[Bottel] Sticks and stones...](../img/castbar2.gif){kind=small}
| [Serious Announcer] | Alas! Tis now time for the Fooles to depart the Steps. A fair sweet smelling wind be in the offing, blowing up to a stiff breeze. Although it will help the ships stand out from shore, it also seemeth paradoxically to be blowing somewhat toward the Cathedral. |
| [Battel] | Be everything packed? |
| [Lady Tanglwyt] | Just why are we really leaving any way? |
| [Battel] | Too much competition! |
| [Babbel] | ... couple of us are loading the last things now. As soon as we finish this final performance, we will be able to make a quick getaway. And the Fireworks display is already to go! |
| [Battel] | Ahh..... Fireworks?!!!! |
| [Babbel] | Yes, they be set up right near the Cathedral where all can see! |
| [Battel] | Ahhh... are you SURE that be a good idea?! |
| [Babbel] | No problem! Bottel and Quibbel be standing by near the Cathedral with the Fire Watch... |
| [Battel] | Ahhh... are you sure THAT be a good idea?!!!! |
| [Babbel] | Trust Me!!!!! |
| [Battel] | Now, ... Have you heard the legend among sailors about the terrible Foo-Foo bird? |
| [Lady Tanglwyt] | A fishy tale! |
| [Babbel] | A Foo-leish story, no doubt! |
| [Lady Tanglwyt] | How much deeper would the ocean be, without sponges? |
| [Battel] | Should ever the bird fly over and hit you with his droppings, you would die the instant you washed it off. |
| [Lady Tanglwyt] | Why be that so terrible? |
| [Battel] | Well, the Foo-Foo bird was a huge sea-going bird and only ate the dead and disgusting things that it found in the oceans. The result was the most foul-smelling excrement ever produced by any creature on the planet... |
| [Battel] | ...sorry, my lady... |
| [Lady Tanglwyt] | Oh yes?... |
| [Battel] | There once were three fishermen living by the sea who were the best of friends, and one day they decided to all go out on one boat and pool in their catches. |
| [Quibbel] | ...unlike river fishermen, who catch in their pools... |
| [Battel] | They had been out quite some time and lo and behold, they heard the wings of, That's Right!, the Foo-Foo bird! "S'Wounds!" cries one, "Over the side! IT BE THE FOO-FOO BIRD!!!!!" |
| [Lady Tanglwyt] | But too late?! |
| [Battel] | Yes! Before any one of them could move, the Foo-Foo bird swooped down and S P L A T ! Truly it dropped a load on them covering them with the vilest, slimiest, foulest excretion imaginable. One of the fishermen screamed and jumped over the side to escape this predicament without heeding his friends pleading, and died the moment he hit the water. |
| [Lady Tanglwyt] | That be sad! |
| [Battel] | The remaining two suddenly realized that the legend was based in fact and they wanted not to meet the same fate as their poor departed friend, so they slowly started rowing to shore between their bouts of vomiting. |
| [Lady Tanglwyt] | That be bad! |
| [Battel] | They did row all afternoon under the hot baking sun and did come within fifteen feet of their dock when one of them just could not take it anymore. "I be finished!!!!" he cried, "Death could not be any worse than this!!! I MUST wash it off!" and overboard he went only to surface, face down, dead. |
| [Lady Tanglwyt] | Ohh, that be terrible! |
| [Battel] | "I be afraid to die," thought the remaining fisherman, "I shall never wash this off, no matter what happens." Well, you can imagine what happened! |
| [Bottel] | ...wife took the children and left him during the night, no doubt! |
| [Lady De KupKake] | Within a week, all his neighbours moved away! |
| [Babbel] | The fishing fleet stayed upwind from him! |
| [Quibbel] | Even when he walked home, the dogs in the alleys began to gag. |
| [Battel] | It seems that as time went on, the odour became worse and worse. Eventually even the fish left the area and so did all the people dependant on the industry. |
| [Bottel] | ...last drinks... |
| [Battel] | After a year or so, he had grown quite accustomed to the smell and everything sticking to him that he touched, but he still couldn't get used to the loneliness. He decided one day that he just must wash it off, after all, it hath been a long time since this terrible thing happened to him and whatever be in this stuff surely must have worn off by now. He went to the end of the pier, jumped in and immediately died. |
| [Lady Tanglwyt] | And... |
| [Battel] | ...of course the Moral of the story is: If The Foo Shits, Wear It! |
| [Babbel] | Wahoo! Let the Fireworks commence!!!!! |
| [Battel] | Bottel!!! Quibbel!!!, what are you two doing here?!! |
| [Bottel] | Well, we be ready for the fast getaway... |
| [Quibbel] | ...just like Babbel said!!! |
Robin the Ruthless in Battel - G.A. W.O.A.W.
(long suffering Fool's Troupe Scribe & assumed title of Original T.W.E.R.P.)
(Totally Whimsical Electronic Ridiculous Person.)
"Old Egyptian tourists never die - they just go senile."
Thank you all for following my struggles with The Fools.
Thou art an Honorable Contributor to the Fooles Crusade Fund
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© 1994-2002: Robin Hayes