The Fooles Troupe Routine

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Fooles: In Babylon, or was that Babbel-In On?

Last Updated: 30 Jun 2002 1502

First Published on: 7 Sep 1995
Edited and Republished on: 1 Sep 1996

[Serious Announcer]

Why me?! Alright I will take care of it -
Ahhh! Greetings gentle readers, it be a normal work day for the Steps, and the Fools be hard at work drinking..

[Silly Announcer]

No, thou missed the stop, that should be - hard at work (stop), drinking!

[Quibbel]

Greetings! Hast thou seen an Irish carpenter waiting for me?

[Battel]

What be his name?

[Quibbel]

Paddy O'Fearn...

[Babbel]

...a sure thing it was too...

[Battel]

How tell you what clan a Scotsman belongs to?

[Babbel]

...but then her mother...

[Lady De KupKake]

...put a hand...

[Quibbel]

...up under the kilt...

[Lady Lucrativa]

...find a quarter...

[Bottel]

...pound a...

[Quibbel]

...then he be a McDonalds.

[Lady LudWygel]

Kind Gentles, sorry to interrupt, but can thee help me?

[Bottel] {aside}

Not with a face like that!

[Battel]

Yes, Good Lady.

[Lady LudWygel]

I be a strange one here.

[Bottel]

Urk! - Truly, I said naught!

[Battel]

Can I help you to go somewhere?

[Bottel]

(aside) I could suggest - Urk!

[Lady LudWygel]

So then, pray tell me, where be Yorky's Knob?

[Bottel]

About three foot south of Yorky's Mouth? Urk! Hit me not there again!

[Lady LudWygel]

Thank you, kind gentles.

[Lady De KupKake]

That was NOT Courteous!

[Bottel]

The Devil made me do it!

[Battel]

I find that hard to believe.

[Bottel]

OW! I bit my tongue!

[Babbel]

Tampering with the evidence, eh?

[Bottel]

Would I lie to you?

[Battel]

If you keep on telling untruths, a big nasty man with a spiked tail and a red hot pitchfork will catch you and force you to work without stopping for rest in a fiery hole for 5,000 years! You will tell no more lies, now, will you?

[Bottel]

No, fear. You tell 'em better 'an I do!

[Lady Lucrativa]

...goodness be the only investment that never fails...

[Babbel]

Be this your drink Bottel?

[Quibbel]

Why think you it be his drink-bottel?

[Bottel]

It be so. How knew you?

[Babbel]

Was not a full botell!

[Bottel]

Just can it will you?

[Quibbel]

Your spirits flaggin' Bottel?

[Battel]

I hear getting married be a three ring circus!

[Bottel]

Yea, engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffa-ring.

[Battel]

Be it true that Lady Tanglwyt produces Organic Milk?

[Lady De KupKake]

Yes, she hath a cow on the farm.

[Battel]

How do you tell Lady Tanglwyt apart from a cow?

[Lady Lucrativa]

By the wise look in the eyes.

[Battel]

Pray can anyone tell what kind of animal this here pictured be?

[Lady Tanglwyt]

Be it a ... moose?

[Battel]

No, but you be close...

[Lady De KupKake]

Be it might, a cow?

[Battel]

The name of this animal be the same as a name your mother might call your father when she be feeling affectionate.

[Lady Lucrativa]

I know, I know, that be a horny ba...

[Battel]

A man doth ride into town on Friday and doth leave three days later on Friday. How doth he do it?

[Serious Announcer]

Now in order to save boring the audience by forcing them to listen to the normal sort of Foolish drivel that the Fools would usually go on with when dealing with such a topic, the City Fathers have just issued an instruction for me to provide an alternate educative speech in cases such as these. I hath been asked to explain some of the new scientific terms now in use. And Yes! I have documentation of it all right here...

10**24 getalives = 1 yottagetalife

10**21 spells = 1 zettaspell

10**18 minations = 1 examination

10**15 coats = 1 petacoat

10**12 bulls = 1 terabull

10**9 lows = 1 gigalow

10**6 phones = 1 megaphone

2*10**3 mockingbirds = 2 kilomockingbirds

2*10**2 withits = 2 hectowithit

10 cards = 1 decacard

10**-1 mates = 1 decimate

10**-2 mentals = 1 centimental

10**-3 cents = 1 millicent

10**-6 scopes = 1 microscope

10**-9 nanettes = 1 nanonanette

10**-12 boos = 1 picoboo

10**-15 fatales = 1 femtofatale

10**-18 boys = 1 attoboy

10**-21 bismals = 1 zeptobismal

10**-24 pusses = 1 yoctopus

[Serious Announcer]

And now I return you to our Fooles...

[Silly Announcer]

...so now you know just what a Real Fool be like...

[Battel]

...no, no, no, the Horses Name be Friday!

[Quibbel]

...seemed all right to me...

[Bottel]

...same all round again?

[Battel]

And now, before starting the rehearsal for the next set of routines, be there any questions?

[Lady Tanglwyt]

What be the meaning of human existence?

[Battel]

Ahhhh... I meant questions related to the routines we just did?!

[Lady Tanglwyt]

Well, I really would like to get this little matter sorted out quickly before going ahead with any more silly stuff...

The Fool's Troupe Scribed by Robin the Ruthless in Battel
(What we have here is actually a case of the text editor gone amok)
Why do the Fools always have foolish looks on their faces?
Because they are fools.

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