![[Bottel] Sticks and stones...](../img/castbar2.gif){kind=small}
[Disclaimer: Warning! The following may be dangerous to your mental health. Stop Now!]
| [GRAND PUNTIFF] | Greetings unto Robin the Ruthless in Bottel! I do believe 'twas a stool pigeon that pointed thee out. Did thee not notice the white blotch upon thy shoulder? |
| [Bottel] | Ah, so I see by THY white shoulder blaze, that is how thou wast ap- pointed Puntiff!? |
| [GRAND PUNTIFF] | Tho' there be a blaze upon my shoulder, there be no blotch upon my escutcheon. Know ye not the reputation of the Whimsical Order of the Ailing Wit? |
| [Bottel] | Ah, my lord, I feel that I be not worthy to join such an August Body this month, for my wit be not ale-ing, it be of sober disposition! |
| [GRAND PUNTIFF] | Ah! The WOAW be not merely August, but a year-round operation. 'Twould be a lie to say we be without Peer, for we count many Peers among our members. |
| [Bottel] | My lord, when I was Granted Arms, it was told to me that I wast but a Little Pee-r. I be hesitant to take a place among the Big Pee-rs, lest I be found short! |
| [GRAND PUNTIFF] | And if the Queen be Royal and a Lady of Noble Estate, can a Queen's Fool be of small stature? How unfortunate that thou consider thyself a Short Pee-r, for then thou are left awash. Do not be-little thyself! Milord, I fear that thou art thinking of the wrong arm. |
| [Bottel] | Whether it be too short, I know not, but that may be a matter for the next "short-arm" inspection. |
| [GRAND PUNTIFF] | Upon examining my (alas! now empty) purse, I be hard pressed... |
| [Bottel] | Nay, my lord, tis not I, for I be keeping my distance from thee this time! |
| [GRAND PUNTIFF] | ...to decide which is lighter: thy spirit, thy tongue, or thy fingers... |
| [Bottel] | Nay, tis my head, my lord! For though my heart (spirit) be lightest of what thou say, my head be above all that, so it must be lighter! I warn thee my lord, I hath studied Logic! |
| [GRAND PUNTIFF] | ...for is it not said that it taketh a thief to catch a thief? |
| [Bottel] | But, my lord, should thou claim to have caught me, what would that make thou? That doth remind me of an old saying of my grandfather, "Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wasteth your time and bothereth the pig." |
| [GRAND PUNTIFF] | Thus I would burden none by placing the Burden of the Crown in your hands. |
| [Bottel] | Ah! I know that song my lord, shall we pluck a verse and a burden on the lute? Or, if thou would not place the "Burden of the Crown" in my hands, wilst thou take the loot and then sing the burden yourself? |
| [GRAND PUNTIFF] | First blood hath been drawn --- I hath been pricked by thy wit. |
| [Bottel] | Ah, but I be still my own man, for I hath not yet been out witted by thy p.... ! |
| [GRAND PUNTIFF] | Though the fair ladies oft claim that all of a man's wits be found in that organ, methinks it be difficult to be outwitted by it! I must get me to a chiurgeon! |
| [Bottel] | Allow me to assist thee my lord, I was trained by a previous Patron's wife in resuscitation! |
| [GRAND PUNTIFF] | The Grand Puntiff taketh pity on a poor Fool ---- Domino, Domino, Pox Proboscis |
| [Bottel] | The Grand Puntiff taketh on a poor Fool, would be more to my liking, my Lord. I would fain follow thee for surely thou art a wit to match me, if I be not half right! |
| [GRAND PUNTIFF] | A tongue be a slippery thing to hold. |
| [Bottel] | Ah, but surely the truth may yet be slipperier, my lord! I was puzzled what a PUNTIFF may be, so I did consult my books and... |
| [GRAND PUNTIFF] | ... |
| [Bottel] | PONTIFF: Pontiff cometh from the Latin pontifex, "bridge-builder."
Once a year in ancient Rome the Pontiffs, led by their chief, the Pontifex Maximus, or "chief bridge-builder," did solemnly throw 23 straw dolls called Argei into the Tiber. This was to compensate the River-god for the drowned travelers he had forgone as solid bridges replaced leaky rowboats. |
| [GRAND PUNTIFF] | ... |
| [Bottel] | ...and further - PUNT: A craft of small size, I wit, that goeth back and forth in much the same place, never going anywhere... |
| [GRAND PUNTIFF] | ... |
| [Bottel] | Thus a PUNTIFF may be ... ?? |
| [GRAND PUNTIFF] | Allow me to enlighten thee, Good Fool: |
| [Bottel] | ...then please to stop standing on my foot, my Lord! |
| [GRAND PUNTIFF] | A Puntiff be An Tir's answer to the Pontiff of Rome. The Puntiff often (but not always) burneth his bridges behind him... |
| [Bottel] | Ah! then you may not be a True Fool my lord, but a Wise Man, for would not a True Fool burn his bridges before him? |
| [GRAND PUNTIFF] | ...rather than casting straw dolls into the river, the Puntiff graspeth at straws... |
| [Bottel] | Which surely maketh thee wise! For a drowning man clutcheth at straws, and be it not said that a drowning man hath his whole life pass before him, which surely maketh him wise? |
| [GRAND PUNTIFF] | ...by casting punsters into the public arena to compensate the arbiters of good taste. The intent be to warn others of what they may walk into... |
| [Bottel] | But my lord, all those who frequent the Cathedral Steps here surely know what they may be walking into, for having seen the numerous Yaks on the Steps, a Wise Man would look down to see what he may be walking into! Thus thou admit to warning only Fools, and since they (for they be but Fools!) will not take heed, so that surely maketh thee not Wise but Foolish! Ah, I be relieved now, my lord, for with that bit about burning behind, I thought thou might be only a Wise Man Pretending to be a Fool, and not a True Fool such as I. So now, my lord, thou hast been proved a Fool, but I canst not take ALL the credit! |
| [GRAND PUNTIFF] | In modern times, a "pun-tiff" may also refer to a battle of wits between two or more people of good humour. |
| [Bottel] | Ah good, my lord. I hath sorely missed a good humoured battle of wits since I left home to travel to An Tir to be a Fool. |
| [GRAND PUNTIFF] | Why then didst thou leave thy home and travel to An Tir to be a Fool? |
| [Bottel] | Too much competition at home! |
| [General Fx] | BOOM! BOOM! |
| [GRAND PUNTIFF] | As for the core word, "punt," it doth refer to a craft of indeterminant size with only one oar in the water. |
| [Bottel] | And if thou be truly as old as I, that makes us both a couple of "silly old punts", doth it not my lord? |
| [GRAND PUNTIFF] | A corollary definition makes reference to a final desperate act, as in "4th down and ..." |
| [Bottel] | And now for the moment, I be out of here for I feel that if I stay among the Yak droppings, I may "end up" and be seen a Bigger Fool than thee, my lord! |
| [GRAND PUNTIFF] | 'Tis a wise fool who watches his step! Tho' I may have caught thee out, 'twas thou who presented thyself a target (and be not a singing pig a rare and unoinque sight?) Neither would I stoop to outwit you in such a low manner as you suggest, for then it would be unmanly of you to succumb. I would not have myself thought of as a rude bugger! |
| [Bottel] | ... |
| [GRAND PUNTIFF] | Verily, a tongue be a slippery thing to hold. |
| [Bottel] | We hath already done that one, my lord! |
| [GRAND PUNTIFF] | I be reminded now of an old saying of my grandfather, "Never wrestle with a pig. Thou dost get dirty, and besides, the pig doth like it." |
Ah! but then what would I know, I'm only a Fool!
Robin the Ruthless in Bottel - Parvus Portus - Lochac - WEST
Once Personal Fool to Her Majesty, Queen Jacyntha of Antir, (now between Patrons,
.. but thinking that Donn an Bronach, G.P. might be a worthy new kitchen .. er, Patron!).
"Let a fool hold his tongue and he will pass for a sage.
Let a Sage hold his tongue and he may pass for a Fool."
Contributions From: Leonard.Erickson
uucp: uunet!rain!puddle!51!Leonard.Erickson
Internet: Leonard.Erickson@f51.n105.z1.fidonet.org
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