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A Fact
Finding Report
Speech No. 4 in the
Toastmasters "Speaking to Inform" Manual
Date presented: August, 2000.
The objectives of this
speech were:
- To prepare a report on a situation, event or problem of
interest to the audience
- To deliver sufficient factual information in the report
so the audience could base valid conclusions or a sound decision on it.
Time 10 to 12 minutes.
What Makes a Good
Conversation?
Recently, a friend phoned me.
She's one of those people who could talk under wet cement. I've
discovered
that I can even put the phone down and attend to something in another
room while she's talking and she
doesn't even notice. After about half an hour of her monologue she
actually drew a breath and said,
"Are you there? You haven't said anything yet."
"No," I said, "I was waiting
for a break in the conversation."
As she was finally hanging up
she said, "I love talking to you. That was a really good conversation!"
A second friend phoned me
that night. I was very tired, but I soon forgot my weariness as we
animatedly shared our opinions, beliefs and personal experiences. Time
flew, and as I went to bed very
late that night, I thought "Now, that was a really good conversation!"
Two different opinions on
what comprised a good conversation. Since Toastmasters is about
communication,
it occurred to me that it might be an interesting topic to research for
my speech tonight. So I asked
some of my friends what they thought made a good conversation.
My friend's reactions to my
survey were as interesting and revealing as the results were. Some of
them
wouldn't stop talking long enough for me to ask them anything.
Strangely though, they are the ones who
think they are having a good conversation.
For some, the subject itself was
a conversation stopper. When I asked, "What makes a good conversation?"
I was met with a pained silence, or they changed the subject. So I
tried asking, "What makes a boring
conversation?"
One candid family member told
me, "Talking about what makes a good conversation!"
I discussed the topic mostly
by phone with about eight of my friends.
They had different suggestions, but all agreed on three main points.
Mutual interest.
Give and Take
Trust
Let's look at the first one.
(Mutual Interest.) A conversation has to be of interest to all
concerned.
As one friend suggested, it's when two or more people voluntarily
explore the topic. But how can we be
sure that we are not boring others? We need to be sensitive to the cues
our listener gives us.
Someone suggested if he is pulling away from your grip, or standing on
tiptoe making desperate signals
to someone else he probably wants out!
Some people are unable to
even entertain the thought that they might be boring. My verbose friend
once
told me of the time she went on a blind date. During the evening her
partner excused himself to leave
the room and never came back. She was concerned that he may have had an
accident. It never occurred to
her that he might have taken the easy way out.
All my friends agreed that a
conversation thrives on the balance of giving and taking. Conversations
are the building blocks of a relationship, one told me. If it leans too
far in one direction, the relationship will topple. Another said,
"People don't want to hear you talk about yourself. They'd rather talk
about themselves."
We agreed that giving and
taking can be done both through speaking and listening.
Through talking we can entertain, inform, advise, and share personal
experiences. We fulfil our
listener's emotional needs when we sympathize, praise or reassure him.
By listening attentively we
can make the other person feel good about himself, We give him an
outlet for
his pent up feelings, and a sounding board for his ideas.
Since most people would
rather talk than listen it means we sometimes have to give up our
desire to
speak when the other person wants to talk.
Someone mentioned active
listening. We can respond non-verbally with our eyes and body language
to draw
out the speaker. It's important to ask questions to show interest.
Open-ended questions, Like How What
Where When Why encourage the speaker to continue.
Then there's Trust. One of my
friends said, You really get to know a person when you feel free to
explore feelings and beliefs. But, first you need to feel comfortable
with that person. A relationship
requires mutual trust. It's like a series of circles, someone said. The
outer ring is for acquaintances.
We usually use small talk on acquaintances. Small talk is a necessary
medium for finding a mutual
interest. It's a way of testing the waters before plunging in.
The next circle is for people
we feel
comfortable with. We know them well, we mix with them socially, and
might even have serious
conversations with them, but we don't have a close relationship. We
don't let many into our smaller
inner circle. It is for those we feel safe with. We can be open and
honest with these.
One of my friends said she
feels frustrated when people don't keep to the subject. She likes the
conversation to flow logically with no side issues. On the other hand,
another one said she likes to
explore side issues, because they often lead to a more interesting
topic. Someone else suggested that a
conversation should not be planned. It should begin with something
trivial and gradually develop.
I was wondering how to sum
this all up when my ten-year-old neighbour called in. I asked her if
she had
a good friend that she enjoyed talking to.
"Oh yes," she said. "I tell
my friend Emily everything."
"And who does the most
talking?" I asked.
"Both of us," she said.
"We're interested in the same things. I've
known her for years."
There we have it. Mutual
interests, a balance of talking and listening and a good relationship.
I think
she summed it up well.
But what do you think?
One of my friends said she
preferred to examine the facts and draw her own conclusions. I'll leave
it to
you to decide what makes a good conversation.
COMMENTS
I had prepared this speech for my "Fact Finding Report"
last year, then scrapped it and used
"Rich Man, Poor Man" instead. I
used it this week, because I didn't have time
to write a new speech. It was
well received, but I found it hard to get "psyched up" using old
material.
MAMALADE
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