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MAMALADE

A Dramatic Talk

Speech No. 4 in "The Entertaining Speaker" Manual

Date presented: March, 2001

The objectives of this speech were:

  • To develop an entertaining dramatic talk about an incident.
  • Include vivid imagery, characters and dialogue.
  • Deliver the talk in an entertaining manner.
Time 5 to 7 minutes.

An Alarming Experience

What is it? I wake in fright. And the cat dozing on the end of my bed leaps in terror and runs headfirst into the wall. I sit up in bed, my heart pounding and my mind whirling in confusion. The still night air is ripped apart by a shrill piercing sound.

Is it the phone? Who could be ringing me at this hour? I grab my bedside phone and hold it to my ear. But still the insistent ringing continues.

Is it...it must be ...the smoke alarm! Horror! The house is on fire!

I leap out of bed in panic. No time to salvage anything. My one thought is survival. I rush out into the hallway. Where's the fire? The air is clear. No smoke. No hungry red flames!

I rush from room to room, searching and sniffing for fire. There's not a trace. But still the smoke alarm shrieks on, jangling my brain with its strident sound.

Is this some kind of joke? How dare it wake me from my exhausted sleep! I switch on the light to see if the alarm can be turned off. Obviously, the only way to stop it is to remove the battery. The alarm is set high on the ceiling.

"Just call us when the battery needs to be changed," the man had told me when he installed the alarm. "Don't try to climb up and do it yourself."

Wouldn't he just love to be called out at 2 a.m.?

I stand on a chair. The alarm is still out of reach. It shrills on and on. Surely the neighbours can hear it? It's a wonder no one has phoned the fire brigade. I'd feel pretty silly if they arrived, but at least someone might be able to stop this racket. I look out the window.

No sign of life anywhere. The neighbourhood sprawls in blissful slumber.

I grab my broom, reach up and prod the alarm. After a few bashes it gives a final shriek and goes silent. Phew! Peace at last. I turn out the light and flop back into bed. My heart rate has almost returned to normal.

But what's that? A shuffling sound comes from the corner of the room. It's obvious that I am not alone. I watch in transfixed horror as the door of my wardrobe slo-owly creaks open. Someone - or something is about to emerge.

I try to scream but the scream sticks in my throat as out... creeps ... the cat!! She nervously resumes her place on the end of my bed and carefully washes her face.

With a sigh of relief I collapse weakly on my pillow and finally fall fast asleep.

Suddenly the room reverberates once more with the earpiercing sound. That infernal alarm again!

I leap out in fury, turn on the light, grab the broom and whack the alarm. Again and again. It stops - then it starts, stops and starts again. Each time I put the broom down, the noise starts, pounding in my brain, taunting me.

"I'll fix you for good!" I yell. I keep ramming and bashing it with the broom handle. The alarm seems as though it will never give in. Well, neither will I. I'll kill it this time!

Finally, I give it a mighty whack. The alarm loses its grip on the ceiling and lands at my feet, still protesting loudly. I perform the final act by wrenching out the battery.

Silence. My head is still ringing, but the night is at rest once more.

I turn the alarm over. The warning on the back - which I hadn't been aware of - says, "Gives a warning chirp when the battery is low." Chirp! They call that a chirp?

I throw away the battery. If I get that smoke alarm put back up, it will be on the wall where I can reach it.

No doubt smoke alarms do save lives when they warn in time of real danger. But what if that unnecessary fright had given me a heart attack? And it could happen to a frail, elderly person. If I had died in the night, they probably would have performed an autopsy to determine the cause.

But would anyone have suspected the real culprit - the smoke alarm!

COMMENTS

They seemed to enjoy it, but I didn't feel I had done my best this time. I hadn't had time to rehearse as much as usual and had to glance at my notes a few times. This would have made it less convincing.

Last year, I presented one of my stories "The Last Train Home" as a speech but didn't use it as a manual speech. I think it really would have fulfilled the requirements better than this one. What do you think?

MAMALADE

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